04-15-2016, 11:15 AM
Stating the obvious: it's too mawkish. English is not the best language for the direct expression of sentiment, particularly in poetry.
Also, too many cringeworthy cliches such as "moments of Union" and "cloak of night".
Finally, "continuum of infinite silence" is the killer blow.
Suggest rewrite using zero metaphors and maybe a simile or two.
I meant "infinite isolation". Can't edit on my Android.
Also, too many cringeworthy cliches such as "moments of Union" and "cloak of night".
Finally, "continuum of infinite silence" is the killer blow.
Suggest rewrite using zero metaphors and maybe a simile or two.
I meant "infinite isolation". Can't edit on my Android.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe