Inheritance

[Rogo]

we came so far
on the escalating upwards crescendo
of spent fantasies
inscribed with neon runes
grinding to a halt                                                              5
that night when the horsemen
came, in the bedrooms
locked behind doors of dreams become
some other man's sweaty desire --
violence and rage.                                                            10
we fell into tomorrow.
 
corpses of black twisted metal
and vaporized metropolises sing
from their grave. calls out
for reclamation. we are                                                    15
riding on the back
of a leper leading us to an
event horizon, the moment
of becoming; a phoenix
to rise and fulfill destiny."                                                 20

You're doing an admirable job with using vivid, seemingly offbeat, imagery. It's very dramatic. However, I feel that this drama is exhausting and becomes monotonous by the second stanza. Try toning it down a bit. This can be done by diversifying the poem's rhythm.  Build up the tension instead of starting aggressively and maintaining it throughout the poem. Though, I will admit that  line 11 did a solid job at this. It really took me by surprise.

Honestly, I don't have a strong idea of what the poem is about. Usually, I'm fine with this -- there is a beauty in chaos and uncertainty, such as with reading a John Ashbery poem or listening to a Sun Ra album. However, the consistent tension and drama prevents me from lingering too long. It almost feels like I'm being yelled at or someone is casting an apocalyptic curse on me.

Final note: be wary of using unnecessary words. The phrase "escalating upwards crescendo" is redundant. Examples like this aren't too frequent in this poem, but they are still there, Edit, re-edit, re-re-edit. (Trim the fat!)

Again, it's wonderful that this poem is descriptive and diverse in its imagery. Just focus on the rhythm and the musical quality of the words.