04-09-2016, 01:25 PM
I gotta be honest that I can't really give any half decent crit of this because I'm having trouble following it in a meaningful way. I've read through it about five times and it's not making much more sense than the first time. I'm not all that good with this quasi-abstract poetry, and this seems like it's about something fairly personal. It kind of sounds like there was an affair at a sleazy motel and someone was killed over it? Maybe in death they are fulfilling their destiny?
It's good that there is a lot of interesting imagery going on, it just kinda gets lost in the lack of cohesion and clarity. Like trying to look at a painting through a kaleidoscope. Ultimately all the atmosphere that the language evokes is just sort of rickety. It needs some back bone to make it unique and to give all the other aspects a purpose.
It's good that there is a lot of interesting imagery going on, it just kinda gets lost in the lack of cohesion and clarity. Like trying to look at a painting through a kaleidoscope. Ultimately all the atmosphere that the language evokes is just sort of rickety. It needs some back bone to make it unique and to give all the other aspects a purpose.
Thy Daughter & Thy Darling, Without End.