04-07-2016, 12:02 PM
The rhyme seems forced to me and doesn’t work that well in my opinion. It reads like you came up with a lot of the lines in order to rhyme.
If death is a love affair, then how does it plague the old and young? It would be welcome.
What does work is that you’ve got a consistent theme throughout and the idea flows through. It’s just limited by the forced rhyming. But then I write nearly everything in free verse, so we have different styles of what we like.
If death is a love affair, then how does it plague the old and young? It would be welcome.
What does work is that you’ve got a consistent theme throughout and the idea flows through. It’s just limited by the forced rhyming. But then I write nearly everything in free verse, so we have different styles of what we like.