In this place

[billy]

Sitting alone doesn’t concern those
With materialistic things which only covers their
Insecurities and the Marc Jacob goggles have these people
Feeling as if they acquired something

all caps don't work in this poem. a bit of grammar would go a long way.

Crimes are high
Drugs and out rages acts of promiscuity.....outrageous
Intrigues many people
The little girl’s body lay on the side walk
Blood underneath her bare body.....something else instead of body
Yet that doesn’t concern those who are selling
And reacting to their enemies with A-k 47’s

Animosity is planted in everyone’s heart on the block
Hatred in each one eyes in the eyes of each one
Egotistical girls who are in competition with other girls
Because they can’t feel sufficient pass the thick hair.... this line confusing
The smooth dark skin is out looked

They rather cake their faces with makeup
Hide in the depths of the extra extension of weaves
Babies run around with no sandals.......Without
Crying
Mothers lose their sons
Law enforcement can no longer help
In this place only pain exist
Judgment acts are made
Faith is just a five letter word now
With no meaning
In this place known as, America

wowzers. what a change. while it's a little prosy and it's got a few cliches in it i love it.

it works as a tell poem so i can't complain really can i. just a couple of really small things on what i feel is a pice of writinf with a huge improvement. the content is good, it has substance though not a lot of imagery. excellent, simply excellent and well worth the read. thanks xx

tfu: i have to say again, i really like this one.