Sleep

[Jasper]

I'm not sure I completely understand the story you were trying to tell with this poem. The rhymes in general seemed forced, like you were trying to find words just to fit the rhyme. I think your word choice could have been better. The pronoun use was also somewhat unclear, as you introduced three different characters. I'm not sure who was the "we" you referred to. I did enjoy the imagery and mental image I got from this.