03-30-2016, 02:20 PM
It's not easy for most of us (glares with jealousy at one particular mod) to churn out good poetry in ten minutes. We all have different methods, and I like to sit on something for several days at the least before posting it anywhere except the "for fun" forum. Freewrites never go well for me, as I need some purpose in writing (either a self-indulgent purpose, or for a specific audience). Abstract, yes. Not really in the good way. Cliche, probably. Definitely not in the good way. Again, I find myself bothered when I read something that talks about altitude in some way, but doesn't reflect it meaningfully in the piece. In this case...
I bury myself, but I
rise as well.
I would probably prefer to see "rise" positioned above "bury", and the self words to be underneath "bury" or some other ground word. My example...
Rising above
the surface,
I bury myself as well.
"Rising" is literally position above the surface, and "I bury" is literally positioned below the surface. The last few lines create your best image, but they are spatially challenged/
I bury myself, but I
rise as well.
I would probably prefer to see "rise" positioned above "bury", and the self words to be underneath "bury" or some other ground word. My example...
Rising above
the surface,
I bury myself as well.
"Rising" is literally position above the surface, and "I bury" is literally positioned below the surface. The last few lines create your best image, but they are spatially challenged/
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona