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The chocolate egg
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03-28-2016, 10:25 AM
The minimalist style works well here. It could be made more clear that the "restless eyes" in the third stanza are the boy's eyes. I think that the fourth stanza is a bit sudden and doesn't fit so well, although I do like it on its own. I'm not sure what you mean by "the egg is going soft," this ending could be stronger. I liked this poem overall!
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The chocolate egg - by Julius - 03-23-2016, 08:43 PM
RE: The chocolate egg - by Tracy Mitchell - 03-24-2016, 06:40 AM
RE: The chocolate egg - by aschueler - 03-24-2016, 08:04 AM
RE: The chocolate egg - by Nester - 03-25-2016, 07:29 AM
RE: The chocolate egg - by Matthew McKeown - 03-25-2016, 08:15 AM
RE: The chocolate egg - by Acephale - 03-26-2016, 12:54 AM
RE: The chocolate egg - by Julius - 03-26-2016, 05:19 AM
RE: The chocolate egg - by Jasper - 03-28-2016, 10:25 AM
RE: The chocolate egg - by Lip Kingdavid - 03-30-2016, 07:23 AM
RE: The chocolate egg - by Erthona - 03-30-2016, 09:10 AM
RE: The chocolate egg - by Southern Scarab - 08-12-2016, 09:08 PM
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