03-28-2016, 10:19 AM
I really like your imagery and descriptive style.
Should the last line of the first part be "vice versa" instead of "vice verse?"
I'm not really sure what you're talking about in this poem; that could be established better.
"We enter a new world we may return from eventually -
now returning seems silly."
This line seems a bit too abrupt and I don't get what you're trying to convey.
Overall I enjoyed reading this poem, good luck!
Should the last line of the first part be "vice versa" instead of "vice verse?"
I'm not really sure what you're talking about in this poem; that could be established better.
"We enter a new world we may return from eventually -
now returning seems silly."
This line seems a bit too abrupt and I don't get what you're trying to convey.
Overall I enjoyed reading this poem, good luck!