03-26-2016, 12:35 PM
Tony - as has been said there isn't much going on here. BUT, I really did like your last stanza. It's cliché as all hell but I think you pull it off anyways. A few bits and pieces:
"of some old fallen tree."
"some" connotes disinterest; not what you're going for here. Just use "an".
"light plays across the creek" - cliché. Next time around try to use more unique and interesting language.
There's certainly promise here. I look forward to reading more of yours.
- Matt
"of some old fallen tree."
"some" connotes disinterest; not what you're going for here. Just use "an".
"light plays across the creek" - cliché. Next time around try to use more unique and interesting language.
There's certainly promise here. I look forward to reading more of yours.
- Matt
