03-26-2016, 04:07 AM
Hi,
I'm new to the forum and so don't know exactly how to be a critic, but I'll learn. When I'm writing I often ask myself if I can say the same thing using less words. I think you might want to try and do something similar. When reading your first stanza I can cut it in half and still retain the meaning, though the imagery might change. I don't want to put words in your mouth and I'm not sure if anyone else works like that, but it helps me.
Good luck!
I'm new to the forum and so don't know exactly how to be a critic, but I'll learn. When I'm writing I often ask myself if I can say the same thing using less words. I think you might want to try and do something similar. When reading your first stanza I can cut it in half and still retain the meaning, though the imagery might change. I don't want to put words in your mouth and I'm not sure if anyone else works like that, but it helps me.
Good luck!