03-25-2016, 02:54 AM
Great title. It is the details of this poem which bring it to life - the bridge made from a railroad car, the gravel, the jelly-shoed feet, the snow runoff.
My vote is to keep the creek name. Of course you can make up any name which makes the poem better. There is an authenticity to this name which rings true.
rif-raf > rip-rap?
You may want to look at longer lines to increase the poem's density.
Shorter lines sometimes impede rather than assist the flow.
In a few places the text feels too passive. For example, 'one quiet trout is found . . . .' -- there may an opportunity for a more active verb to give the trout a more substantial presence.
Love the poem.
T
My vote is to keep the creek name. Of course you can make up any name which makes the poem better. There is an authenticity to this name which rings true.
rif-raf > rip-rap?
You may want to look at longer lines to increase the poem's density.
Shorter lines sometimes impede rather than assist the flow.
In a few places the text feels too passive. For example, 'one quiet trout is found . . . .' -- there may an opportunity for a more active verb to give the trout a more substantial presence.
Love the poem.
T