03-12-2016, 12:58 AM
Nice, but it could just as easily read as prose; I agree with actual_trash.
"It was a minute..."sounds a bit prosaic. How about "It was the moment...." since you seem to want to capture what happened in that brief passage of time and comment on its importance. Though what that is, is not quite clear. The minute seems a bit light. How about describing a few more things that happened in the moment? Might lend it more weight.
The connection between the writer and the seagull isnt clear; has it something to do with the broken wing ie is the writer "broken" in some way?
Why did the moment of understanding pass, and what was the effect on the writer?
The reference to the diaper spoils the flow a bit for me. So what is the significance of that action? Does it mean that the seagull has turned its attention to something more immediate?
"It was a minute..."sounds a bit prosaic. How about "It was the moment...." since you seem to want to capture what happened in that brief passage of time and comment on its importance. Though what that is, is not quite clear. The minute seems a bit light. How about describing a few more things that happened in the moment? Might lend it more weight.
The connection between the writer and the seagull isnt clear; has it something to do with the broken wing ie is the writer "broken" in some way?
Why did the moment of understanding pass, and what was the effect on the writer?
The reference to the diaper spoils the flow a bit for me. So what is the significance of that action? Does it mean that the seagull has turned its attention to something more immediate?