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Mayfly (Revised)
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03-09-2016, 02:51 PM
i really like the rhythm, its different but pleasant. in the second stanza the 4th line seems a little awkward. 'in order for' seems more suitable. as for the second line repeating in order there are many things to use in place, but its just a suggestion. the rhyming is still satisfying to me
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| Messages In This Thread |
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Mayfly (Revised) - by Julius - 03-03-2016, 07:13 AM
RE: Mayfly - by Achebe - 03-03-2016, 09:44 AM
RE: Mayfly - by Julius - 03-04-2016, 07:22 AM
RE: Mayfly - by Bunx - 03-05-2016, 12:31 AM
RE: Mayfly - by Julius - 03-05-2016, 05:14 AM
RE: Mayfly - by rocky20 - 03-06-2016, 12:14 AM
RE: Mayfly - by Julius - 03-06-2016, 07:15 PM
RE: Mayfly - by Erthona - 03-06-2016, 11:41 PM
RE: Mayfly - by Julius - 03-08-2016, 01:41 AM
RE: Mayfly - by Magpie - 03-08-2016, 06:08 PM
RE: Mayfly - by Tiger the Lion - 03-08-2016, 11:04 PM
RE: Mayfly - by faerykid - 03-09-2016, 02:51 PM
RE: Mayfly - by Ashok1 - 03-09-2016, 07:22 PM
RE: Mayfly - by Julius - 03-09-2016, 08:30 PM
RE: Mayfly (Revised) - by Julius - 03-12-2016, 01:27 AM
RE: Mayfly (Revised) - by Ashok1 - 03-12-2016, 06:51 PM
RE: Mayfly (Revised) - by Julius - 03-13-2016, 12:24 AM
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