03-04-2016, 07:22 AM
Thank you Achebe for your thoughtful comments.
I have to agree starting two lines with "so" is a weakness that needs rectification. I admit that it came about as my mind was set on maintaining iambic pentameter in the lines.
I am quite happy with L4 but it will be interesting to see what anyone else might say.
In L5 I will think about " fragile", but it would mean replacing it with another word that maintains iambic pentameter.
I always find the final couplet of a sonnet the hardest part to produce especially when it forms the volta - but I'll also give this some thought when I try a revision.
Thank you again, I am grateful for your interest.
I have to agree starting two lines with "so" is a weakness that needs rectification. I admit that it came about as my mind was set on maintaining iambic pentameter in the lines.
I am quite happy with L4 but it will be interesting to see what anyone else might say.
In L5 I will think about " fragile", but it would mean replacing it with another word that maintains iambic pentameter.
I always find the final couplet of a sonnet the hardest part to produce especially when it forms the volta - but I'll also give this some thought when I try a revision.
Thank you again, I am grateful for your interest.