03-01-2016, 07:12 PM
(03-01-2016, 07:12 AM)mackzmike Wrote: A minute before the rain came,I like the idea of your poem: poking a little fun at our tendency to anthropomorphise.
in still, cool air like static,
a seagull perched on a dumpster,
its wing bent and twitching,
staring at me,
who stared back,
and for a moment it felt that
we understood each other.
My focus was broken by
a misshapen “V” of geese
squawking overhead.
I looked up and
a raindrop landed in my eye.
I winced and pressed
my eye lids
shut.
I opened them,
and looked back at the seagull,
his beak buried in a used diaper.
Too many words in the original. Version above is a suggestion.
You should end it at diaper as that's the punchline.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe

