02-20-2016, 01:20 AM
I started with a line by line crit of the poem and then gave up.
Overall, you've tried too hard to rhyme and the sentences come across as contrived as a result.
Suggest you write out the lines as you intend to say them, and use rhyme occasionally to stitch the poem together, if that makes sense.
Overall, you've tried too hard to rhyme and the sentences come across as contrived as a result.
Suggest you write out the lines as you intend to say them, and use rhyme occasionally to stitch the poem together, if that makes sense.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe