02-18-2016, 04:10 AM
As there is no consistent meter the rhyming must carry the energy, which it does well in such places as S2, the internal rhyme was especially compelling. S6 has end rhymes with some alliteration to help carry the energy. Unfortunate there are too few of these types of sections and too many of those that come off as energetically flat. This stanza:
"The last panel depicts:
A pile of un-ground grain spilling
over the cloak-cum comforter."
Seems more appropriate to a documentary than a poem. There must be some kind of pun intended with " cloak-cum comforter", but the words play awkwardly across the tongue, unless the point was to create a minor tongue twister.
There are pieces "inserted" that seem to have no support from the poem, "shadows of cheetahs." Maybe there was mention of cheetahs in the first piece, although as I recall it was mainly concerned with the weaving process. Maybe the resolution will come when "the donkey speaks".
dale
"The last panel depicts:
A pile of un-ground grain spilling
over the cloak-cum comforter."
Seems more appropriate to a documentary than a poem. There must be some kind of pun intended with " cloak-cum comforter", but the words play awkwardly across the tongue, unless the point was to create a minor tongue twister.
There are pieces "inserted" that seem to have no support from the poem, "shadows of cheetahs." Maybe there was mention of cheetahs in the first piece, although as I recall it was mainly concerned with the weaving process. Maybe the resolution will come when "the donkey speaks".
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.