A gentle death (was delivering news), Rev 1

[ellajam]

A peaceful death, I guess they exist other than in movies, maybe. Strong images throughout. I ran into a few technical difficulties but the whole was strong.

Silent sentries flank the long hall,
faces averted, their disposition clouded.There's probably a better way to say this, what their faces are averted from is unclear, the youngest below? the N? the dying? Disposition clouded is just wordy, I'd cut or replace it.
In the middle plays the youngest
of her family, fourth maybe the fifth generation;
I am unsure. Good way of separating the N from the crowd.

They laugh, skip, dance even mere yards
from where she lay dying.
I too am unsure. The first few reads were false starts for me because I kept getting an old family photo. The opening of silence followed by a child playing reconciled itself that way. I read "in the middle" as in the middle of the family, if you mean the middle of a hallway you might consider "down the middle" or center. Added confusion by the tense change:The youngest of her family/they laugh...

I eventually got it and like it, I just think you could clarify.

Small, awkward but undaunted as
I cannot hold the inexorable; 
I cross to her room.
I like this as is, it brings the focus of the N clearly.

Even more are here, older,
packed tight, embers that surround
her with their warmth
as hers lessens.
I might like a break on tight as well as surround, maybe a better word than lessens. Strong image.

Her husband sits by her head,
his gaze fixed, uncertain, hand
tight on his cane.
Beside is the empty chair
for me.
Strong three lines, I might break on uncertain. Then the unclear "beside". Beside the husband or beside the dying? This matters to me. Is the N comforting the living or the (almost) dead? I guess it's beside the dying because the N is holding her hand below but it would be easy to clarify. The saved chair indicates a spiritual leader to me, a doctor would stand and those are the two non-family members I can picture in this scene.

Her eyes of nearly ninety years
soften as I hold her black hand in my white hand, I found this disruptive. I know race is in everything to some but I don't see how it applies to the rest of the poem, I'd find some other way of saying the N isn't family, maybe you already have in the walk down the hall.
and anchor myself.  Relief comes as I hold I anchor myself or her eyes anchor me. Who's relief?
her and her husband in my mind, 
all others receding dimly.  I disclose
what she already knows.
They all do.

Sooner than expected Sooner than the N expected? They're all there to see her off, the poem claims the N bothered to "disclose" the obvious, is there a surprise here?
she becomes still.  Her hand in mine yet,
I tell her husband
"She has passed".
Looking nowhere, eyes empty -- he asks no one
"And now what will I do?"
Love the "he asks no one".

I reach inside but find
nothing
except that which does not grow back,
leaving me less than I was. 
Forward I must grow -- as forward I turn to go. Meh on this line.

The children continue to play 
in the warm dappled sunlight
filtered through the paneled window.
I like returning to the children.

She has her victory.  Her calm
inscrutable wisdom not lost
but manifest in all those who 
surround, accept and forgive 
and comfort even me. Meh on all this, maybe you can find some interesting way to say this, maybe in a prediction for the kids, maybe not. .

[quick note:  this was brought to mind by an earlier poem (that seems to have disappeared) that was about giving negative news.]

Sooo, maybe I am too nitpicky expecting the scene to ring true to my own experience but I hope my notes might give you a hint at what you might tighten up. There are spots where you have done what I often do in early drafts: tell the reader my thoughts on why I am presenting these images. Then I am left to edit out the abstract and sharpen the rest so that the reader can go where I want them to go without my speechifying. Good luck with that, for me it's difficult but worthwhile. Thanks for the read. I really do love the opening image I ended up with with, it just took me a while.

Oh, and while delivering news may have sparked the poem, for me that's not what the poem is is really about, and even if it is I'd prefer a better title.