02-13-2016, 02:24 AM
I've been a bit obsessive about this -- anyway, ignore my note on the groom and the "bride's brother" being not-one, and the tears perfuming. I've mucked about with the structure, cleaned it up, and made it lean on a sturdier meaning. At this point, the only note I really disagree on with you, Achebe, is the metrical note -- that line's only 5 stresses long, and three stresses form a sticky molossus, so with the rhythm above, it sounds sweet. I think there are worse offenders.