02-11-2016, 06:09 PM
hi,
sorry this one did not do anything for me in terms of catching my attention. each line only told me something i had heard before either as an image descriptor or as a common idea / phase of speech.
perhaps try again with your original prompts and see where your imagination takes you instead of trying to mold this into a complete image...the whole felt forced.
For me, in terms of information, i got scorching or burning/ wasting away or dried husk / judgement from reading the actual words in your poem
so perhaps an ideas bounce from this could look like:-
sun cracked garden
lemonade days
goldfish wither and waste
your poem to play with. hope this helps AJ.
sorry this one did not do anything for me in terms of catching my attention. each line only told me something i had heard before either as an image descriptor or as a common idea / phase of speech.
perhaps try again with your original prompts and see where your imagination takes you instead of trying to mold this into a complete image...the whole felt forced.
For me, in terms of information, i got scorching or burning/ wasting away or dried husk / judgement from reading the actual words in your poem
so perhaps an ideas bounce from this could look like:-
sun cracked garden
lemonade days
goldfish wither and waste
your poem to play with. hope this helps AJ.