The Wayward Sailor

[R.W.Moore]

This reminds me of my time in the Navy. I can relate to a lot of what is being said here. I actually enjoyed the earlier version a little better, the pacing was very reminiscent of rolling waves to me. Nonetheless I enjoyed both versions. My only suggestion would be to pull the articles out whenever possible: "of,and,the" feel unnecessary to me. I think that would make your poem feel more like prose than a story. And some of the pronouns feel unnecessary too. 

Very enjoyable and entertaining. I'm glad I read it