In Glass

[just mercedes]

Hi all!  This is my first thread!  I'd love some honest opinions, critiques, or suggestions on this!  Thanks! 


In Glass

Tetras fletched of cobalt and ruby
shoot through the water.
A tribe of a hundred poisoned blow darts Needed? If you keep 'tribe', the next line should start with 'curves'.
curve into a bubbly helix.
An orchid blossoming then molting back, I think 'molting' is the wrong word - can you find a better one?
They come and coalesce through the green Needed?
against their fragile plates of glass.
Flowing, swimming,
Swimming and flowing, Lots of 'ing's
through the same stones and green
they’ve seen since their spawn,
tracing the same paths millions of times
as infinite as shore break.
As if quietly lullabied in the current, 'quietly' is opposed to the 'shoot' and 'dart' for me.
tendril, waters of Amazonia,
they follow their reflections.
 
Little souls in the sound of a rippling filter, Do fish have souls?
calm me to sleep this night.
I've drifted into sameness
And yet soaked in my own complacency
I've followed, flowed,
Flowed and followed,
Only to awaken and lie awake
in the same unsettled state. You were, a few lines ago. calmed.
With fingers grazing my damp window,
I wonder in your stubborn grace.  Not sure about this change, from third person to second.

Hi - I like the way you play with sounds, which knit your poem firmly together. I don't like the capital letter randomly at the start of some lines ; it holds up the flow, for me. I've made a few suggestions on the lines - all in all, a good start!