No Reason At All

[Todd]

Hi Clayton,

This is a fun poem. Here are a few comments for you:

Hello, I am very new to poetry, haven written this for an English class project (grade 12), but I was told by many to actually share it so here it is! Feel free to tell me what to fix so I can perfect it! I also can't decide on a title yet, I'm thinking between "No Reason At All" and some reference to Alice and Wonderland!


I'm wondering about your line breaks. I'm wondering if you can use them to build suspense a little better. There's an element of this poem that wants to bait and switch the line breaks may be able to help you. This is subjective but here goes.

Have you any idea,
why a raven is like a writing desk?
Or why a pillow should wear a bullet-proof vest?

Example: Have you any idea, why a raven
is like a writing desk?
Or why a pillow should wear
a bullet-proof vest

Your breaks aren't bad just more linear and that may not serve you best. The pillow line is evocative. I guess you could also make a case to break after pillow and move "should wear a bullet-proof vest" down one line. Play around with it.

If you don't know why, then I bet you can guess:
it's the same reason you buy something for more,
when you can have it for less.--tighten this "when you could have paid less."

The same reason
the judgement of others,
can cause you distress.

And also why
the simplest mistakes
may fabricate a mess.--fabricate is too self-conscious (simpler word choice).  The one issue with these two last stanzas is that their a bit boring. The content is fine but they lack the visually absurdity of stanza 1 so they feel like a drop off. Maybe illustrate a specific judgment and then a specific mistake--or try to make them more interesting.

If you happen to know the reason, 
You are truly blessed!
But for those who don't?

Well,
I digress.--Great ending. It wraps up nothing, which is why it works.

(Why is a raven like a writing desk) used from Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland".

I hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd