01-24-2016, 08:24 AM
Julius,
I have to go with Paul on this one. Although it has aspects of an ELH (English language haiku) it lacks any kind of seasonal reference, nor does it do other than state the facts. So while superficially it may resemble a ELH (5-7-5), it is not really one. Viewed simply as a poem whose thrust seems to be a somewhat graphic depiction of the kill, it still fails as the treatment is too light and has none of the visceral elements one would expect from a word painting. One also has to question word usage and punctuation choices. An ELH generally does not employ punctuation; were this written simply as a sentence, starting L3 with a cap would make no sense.
This poem seems to have a haphazard feel to it as though it was written quickly and just as quickly posted without giving it much thought or consideration. It is often wise to sit on a poem for a while then come back to see if it is what one thinks it is, or it it needs some work or to be tossed entirely. It is a procedure that has worked well for me.
Best,
dale
I have to go with Paul on this one. Although it has aspects of an ELH (English language haiku) it lacks any kind of seasonal reference, nor does it do other than state the facts. So while superficially it may resemble a ELH (5-7-5), it is not really one. Viewed simply as a poem whose thrust seems to be a somewhat graphic depiction of the kill, it still fails as the treatment is too light and has none of the visceral elements one would expect from a word painting. One also has to question word usage and punctuation choices. An ELH generally does not employ punctuation; were this written simply as a sentence, starting L3 with a cap would make no sense.
This poem seems to have a haphazard feel to it as though it was written quickly and just as quickly posted without giving it much thought or consideration. It is often wise to sit on a poem for a while then come back to see if it is what one thinks it is, or it it needs some work or to be tossed entirely. It is a procedure that has worked well for me.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.