01-23-2016, 05:51 PM
Seems like a lot is going on in the mind of the narrator, for sure, but not much of that is being sent my way. I wanna know why you're hysterical, I don't need to know every detail but even one clue helps--readers have a way of filling in the rest of the blanks themselves.
Stylistically, I feel as though this poem could use some more wild imagery that I feel you've totally got in you! Maybe throw in a bit of harsh syllable alliteration and try using some crazy cacophony--maybe even very your stanza structure, because if our narrator is this hysterical then I don't see his words really being contained to a 4 line stanza, yeah?
Good job dude! Let us know how you revise it!
Stylistically, I feel as though this poem could use some more wild imagery that I feel you've totally got in you! Maybe throw in a bit of harsh syllable alliteration and try using some crazy cacophony--maybe even very your stanza structure, because if our narrator is this hysterical then I don't see his words really being contained to a 4 line stanza, yeah?
Good job dude! Let us know how you revise it!