01-20-2016, 11:49 AM
I enjoyed the overall sense of "throw caution to the wind" because it mixed well with your breezy language. I can feel the author taunting me to join the bandwagon and let go.
However, I felt a lack of rhythm and, call me old fashioned, but I felt a strong lack of rhyme. The way it is written is almost begging to be set to rhyme or at least some kind of consistency within rhymes. They're there one minute and gone the next. I particularly disliked "Light up your fire, set the night on fire" because it felt both too familiar and a missed opportunity to add something extra and less repetitive.
Overall I think this could become something good and very relatable but would love to see some work on the rhythm and rhyme.
However, I felt a lack of rhythm and, call me old fashioned, but I felt a strong lack of rhyme. The way it is written is almost begging to be set to rhyme or at least some kind of consistency within rhymes. They're there one minute and gone the next. I particularly disliked "Light up your fire, set the night on fire" because it felt both too familiar and a missed opportunity to add something extra and less repetitive.
Overall I think this could become something good and very relatable but would love to see some work on the rhythm and rhyme.