01-18-2016, 04:22 AM
(01-18-2016, 02:47 AM)ellajam Wrote: I think it may be the meter of the line, I say "is a REAL ASShole", if you want to keep asshole you can try rewriting the line so that it matches the rest of the poem better.Aren't compound words usually spondaic? It may not make too much difference in how the line sounds to you, but I can't quite make a proper trochee of that in my head.
I can't help explain why it seems to end on a thud for ellajam, but I can give some thoughts on the rest of the poem.
Line 5 feels odd to say, being that it is much longer than those around it.
In line 8, I would change 'that' to 'the' or some other article for one reason only. I keep trying to read "is to tell all my friends / that the man in the mirror..."
No explanation on why I expect it to read that way, but I do.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona