Shades of the Never Living

[mlund]

Shades of the Never Living

There's panic in your night gown Why did you choose to split up this sentence into two lines? 
when you wake. Did something wake you? I am not sure about the repetitive use of "wake" in this line. Maybe a different choice of words.
Maybe just, it was, that one spider The second comma seems unnecessary in this line
everyone is supposed to eat
in their sleep per annum.
Lustful, vengeful, reckless, a passionate dream still ruddy upon your cheeks,
you shout, "If there's ! ! ! "

Then squelch yourself, fast.

What to grab? This line seems very abrupt. I understand that this is what you are trying to go for in the mood of the poem, but perhaps elaborate a bit to make it more grammatically correct and flow better (ex What is there to grab?) 

Suddenly it's a clock radio you've taken into your hands,
mostly to stuff its light into your belly,
fool to think a man (could it *be* a female thief?) What is the purpose of mentioning a thief? If you are in your own home you would not be stealing your own possessions.
would have any trouble divining her in bed . . .
You. You in bed.
Could make for a weapon though . . .

Suddenly frenetic, with no escape to safety possible,
you charge into the kitchen with your clock radio 
and actually cry, "Hi-ya!" when you pitch it 
into the empty dark,
where it all breaks down.

Dear God, where it all breaks down. This line is very powerful and really brings the whole poem together

Good job with relaying your message in a very modernist way. Even though the poem does not always make sense, you are able to convey a sense of frustration and fear and confusion to the reader. The title, however, could maybe have a little more relevance to the message of the poem. Thank you for sharing!