Lessons of life.

[REW]

Hello, 

This is my first attempt at creative writing in which I have tried to express a state of affairs. This post may test the rules in some way but I assure you that these are heavily related. Imagine that these are are presented on cards attached to red roses, one white, one red and one blue. I am not sure how this will be formatted, but the structure is very important. Not grammatical structure, but the visible structure.

White card 
------
Red or blue - the choice is up to you.
I can learn to live with either.
In any case, you deserve a rose.
You will always deserve a rose.
------

Red card
------
Beyond control, it
                           leaves one lost in
                                                thought.
Occupy as it does,
                           overwhelm it
                                                eventually will.
Disarming by design,
                          vulnerability is forced into
                                                self - identity. 
Hopeless are attempts convey,
                         expressing only inadequate 
                                                sincerity.
Intense is this
                         sensation of
                                                adoration.
------

Blue card
------
Boyish embers were
                       left to fester in a plume of misplaced
                                               thought.
On occasion, it led to
                       overwhelming occupation which had
                                               earnestly been fought.
Dogging was this silent hum,
                       vibrating one until 
                                               shatter it had done.
However all was not lost, this
                       enduring optimism cannot exhaust, my persisting
                                               stoicism.
Intense, was the
                       desire for
                                               affection.
------

I would like to know what your opinions are on this presentation, purely on first impression. 

Upon second viewing, be aware of my name: Bodhi.

Hi Bodhi,

I am going to be honest in that I do not get your piece.  I thought maybe it had to do with the American identity or America because of the red, white, and blue.  I was almost seeing reference to America muscling her way into other nations, but then I was not able to make that work in my reading.  The presentation itself was fine.  So if you pick the white card, the instructions are to pick blue or red?  One issue is that there are many abstract ideas in this, such as stoicism and optimism.  Those are "mental ideas" rather than concrete details.  Sometimes it helps to convey a mental idea with concrete details and let the reader make impressions.

I am sorry not to be able to offer more.  I do not think I understand enough at this time to even be able to offer any real suggestions in the form of critique.