01-11-2016, 04:00 AM
moonlight streams through my window
how many years i've lied here and watched --> awkward. 'Ive lied here and watched...what?'
thinking about anything else --> 'lying, while I ponder everything but its light'
now i wonder what it thinks of me
does it watch me through the window too? --> great last line
- I think if you want to go the route of keeping a poem untitled, it fits. Though its a little cliché. The poem is nice, but the second and third lines need work. They're just a little awkward in phrasing.
how many years i've lied here and watched --> awkward. 'Ive lied here and watched...what?'
thinking about anything else --> 'lying, while I ponder everything but its light'
now i wonder what it thinks of me
does it watch me through the window too? --> great last line
- I think if you want to go the route of keeping a poem untitled, it fits. Though its a little cliché. The poem is nice, but the second and third lines need work. They're just a little awkward in phrasing.