The High Line [Haiku]
#3
(01-09-2016, 12:08 PM)Emz Wrote:  abandoned rail, now
plant life, seating, public things
New York City spring
Hi, emz. You might drop "now" down to the next line.

L2: A plant implying human placement might be nice, or "flower bed". Bench for me implies public seating, what public things? art? Venders? I think that middle line would work better being more specific, painting a picture.

you are specific in the title, I think L3 might be better as New York spring or city spring, I don't think you need the full name.

I think a tweak would go a long way, I enjoyed it.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

Reply


Messages In This Thread
The High Line [Haiku] - by Emz - 01-09-2016, 12:08 PM
RE: The High Line [Haiku] - by just mercedes - 01-09-2016, 12:46 PM
RE: The High Line [Haiku] - by ellajam - 01-09-2016, 10:07 PM
RE: The High Line [Haiku] - by billy - 01-10-2016, 07:34 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!