01-09-2016, 08:16 AM
This poem is not so in your face, but it sinks in deep.
I also like the nostalgic feeling I got when reading.
Here is what I have speculation on:
"For the days when all the money was spent". This made it seem like Grandma was saving the old bread to eat for lack of money to buy food, but then later it's being fed to ducks and birds, which makes sense. Why is the stale bread saved for when there is no money? I don' feel this was clearly expressed.
"And it meant Grandpa was home".
What meant Grandpa was home? Was the bag of bread in the sideboard a sign that Grandpa was home because he liked feeding the birds with his grandchild? How would a bag of stale bread indicate this?
The last thing would be the punctuation. It felt a little inconsistent, although that could just be my own lack of knowledge on the subject. It seed like you used line breaks and commas for pauses. It gets a bit confusing as a reader.
Great poem!
It was very enjoyable to read.
I also like the nostalgic feeling I got when reading.
Here is what I have speculation on:
"For the days when all the money was spent". This made it seem like Grandma was saving the old bread to eat for lack of money to buy food, but then later it's being fed to ducks and birds, which makes sense. Why is the stale bread saved for when there is no money? I don' feel this was clearly expressed.
"And it meant Grandpa was home".
What meant Grandpa was home? Was the bag of bread in the sideboard a sign that Grandpa was home because he liked feeding the birds with his grandchild? How would a bag of stale bread indicate this?
The last thing would be the punctuation. It felt a little inconsistent, although that could just be my own lack of knowledge on the subject. It seed like you used line breaks and commas for pauses. It gets a bit confusing as a reader.
Great poem!
It was very enjoyable to read.