Another New Year’s

[browtm7]

Using a cliche isn't necessarily so bad. It's not about being completely original, it's about choosing a metaphor which accurately and completely describes the point you wish to make. Thin ice usually suggest that you are aware it is fragile, which you make a point of with the words "tiptoe forward." On the subject, I think "span that ice" is just as good "span the ice." The choice should reflect your purpose. If I were to think a bit too closely on it, "the ice" does not have location, allowing for a little ambiguity about what the ice is. (Ambiguity is also not bad, it encourages the reader to ask questions). "That ice" does have a location, which suggest that the ice is definitively representative of something specific to the speaker. Just some thing to consider when choosing.

UselessBlueprint,


Thank you for your read and feedback! You gave me what I needed as far as "that ice".  It is something specific to the speaker therefore I will leave it as is. Personally, as far as clichés go, to come across one so often used as "treading thin ice" in the first sentence, just throws me off so I avoid them in the beginning if I can.


The speaker is a mother who is facing her 9th New Year's after the death of her teenaged son. Although she refuses to give up and stay put, she knows from experience now, that moving forward through life with only his spirit and her memories of his life and death, is tough and always filled with times where the sorrow becomes overwhelming again and she falls through the ice and has to pull herself back up and continue on regardless. Thank you again for your feedback! It is very much appreciated. TB

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It reminds me of Freezetag an old song from lifetimes ago. There's a lot unsaid, which for me is the fun of a good poem, it leaves room for the reader to imagine a scene. I could envisage both happy and unhappy conclusions. 
Well done, exiting,dance like beginning drew me in.

Roggi,


Thank you for reading it and for your feedback! Yes, there is a lot unsaid for exactly the reason you stated. The speaker is a mother who is facing her 9th New Years after the death of her teenaged son. At this point in her journey most of the people in her life (with the exception of very close family and friends) no longer want to hear or think about her loss and they expect her to "have moved on" by now, which will never happen. She understands that there is no way for them to truly understand that, so she keeps her grief to herself as much as she is able, although her mood gives hints from time to time that something is not as it should be.

Thank you again for your feedback. It is much appreciated.   TB