01-06-2016, 12:19 PM
and somewhere along the way
the houses got bigger, fatter
is incisive.
another sweet, atmospheric poem. I'm becoming a fan.
minor cribs:
1) from Grandma’s paper bag. --> the ownership of the paper bag is clear from L1, and I don't think there's anything gained from repeating 'Grandma's'. Reads better without this line
2) after the roast was gone. . . --> as a general rule, I am not fond of ellipses. A simple fullstop should be enough here.
the houses got bigger, fatter
is incisive.
another sweet, atmospheric poem. I'm becoming a fan.
minor cribs:
1) from Grandma’s paper bag. --> the ownership of the paper bag is clear from L1, and I don't think there's anything gained from repeating 'Grandma's'. Reads better without this line
2) after the roast was gone. . . --> as a general rule, I am not fond of ellipses. A simple fullstop should be enough here.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe