Distance

[Mcfair]

Hello McFair,

A couple other comments for you.

I think you need to first address interest. Your title, while providing a slight echo with your conclusion, is really flat. Your first line also needs to work harder to build interest. The reader needs to be drawn in.

The poem to me has a lot of bolted on wiser reflections that could work if they were the payoff to the journey. They feel though a bit preachy and telling as if you are trying to guide the reader too forcefully into how they are to interpret your imagery.

Some comments below in the lines:

Distance
 
Long before I knew--pulling "what older meant," up would improve this line, that said I'm not convinced that's your best starting point. I would probably start with the sparrow putting some thought into it to make the opening more evocative. 
what older meant, or
that confidence has little
to do with what you know,
I was like a young sparrow--If you do keep your opening as it is watch out for these modifiers. You've already implied by using the past tense and the "what older meant" above that the speaker would be young. Look to cut these types of redundancies. 
who gathers twigs and hay
and bits of twisted twine,
only to build her first nest
too high for late spring storms. 
Her eyes caught instead --This transition doesn't seem to follow cause effect. 
by the gleam of white capped
mountains far away,
foolishly seeing them --This is some of that expositional bolted on reflection I mentioned earlier.
as an easy flight to fly. 
 
It seems time’s quality was  --as is this
skewed back then, when glimpses
of other women’s children
never made me cry --These two lines could be the poem's heart but they need to be built to more. This is the one place where I feel you have some emotional power you can tap. Needs a better build up though to work.
and thoughts of my future
were as insubstantial as
the first sight of peaks seen
across a featureless plain. --The repetition doesn't really add anything new for me--even at a slant. 
 
The time
between then and now
has blurred, and
I’m not sure
when or how I knew
it was the distance
that tricked my eye.--But to what purpose? I feel like we don't have any stakes to make this move us.
 

There's something here you can develop, I hope the comments help in some way.

Best,

Todd

Wow, thank you, Todd - your comments indeed help and you've given me a lot to think about.  I will take it to heart, its probably going to take me a while to post an edit, but I will be back.  Mcfair