The Receiving State

[Emz]

Hi all, I am totally new to this but thought I would try out posting a short poem. I wrote this about an Indian friend of mine who moved to London at the age of nine and she has written a book about the experience. I like to be playful in poems but also to evoke strong emotion. I will probably expand this poem in the future. Any comments or feedback would be welcome.

The Receiving State

Little red shoes sat alone,
In empty hallways in England,
Untouched by magic.

Shoes missing people,
In lonely rows,
Watching washing on the line,
Singing to the wind,
Trying to remember Calcutta kisses,
And hope in a turmeric sky.

I enjoyed this. The shoes not only capture an interesting perspective of a different place, but also layer the sense of wanting to go home (like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz). 

Perhaps remove capitalisation at the beginning of each line, since each line isn't always the beginning of a sentence.

Little red shoes sat alone,
in empty English hallways in England,
untouched by magic.

Shoes missing people,
in lonely rows,
watching washing on the line,
singing to the wind,
trying to remember Calcutta kisses,
and hope in a turmeric sky.