01-05-2016, 12:52 PM
How about:
1. likening "time’s quality" to a torrent, stream or river? The imagery "skewed back" then sounds vivider.
2. "visions" instead of "thoughts" of my future?
3. "misty", "foggy", "cloudy"... instead of "insubstantial" to express your mental state?
4. "barren planet" instead of "featureless plain"
I like your last stance much. You try to capture the subtle difference "between then and now" in poetry. Good observation.
1. likening "time’s quality" to a torrent, stream or river? The imagery "skewed back" then sounds vivider.
2. "visions" instead of "thoughts" of my future?
3. "misty", "foggy", "cloudy"... instead of "insubstantial" to express your mental state?
4. "barren planet" instead of "featureless plain"
I like your last stance much. You try to capture the subtle difference "between then and now" in poetry. Good observation.