01-02-2016, 12:35 PM
I see in the comments that there have been some nits in regards to this poem. I don't have any. I myself used to have this nightly dream and I finally decided it was a message from the dead/spirit world.
This to me has the same feel of a dream sequence and l the brother that passed on was trying to communicate, but somehow the communication needs to be done during sleep and as the subject begins to wake up, the door to the realm is gone.
I suppose I lied unintentially and my one nit is the questions at the end. I suggest cutting those and ending with quite simply, I wake up sweating. That statement would indicate a struggle and allow the reader to fill in the blanks.
This to me has the same feel of a dream sequence and l the brother that passed on was trying to communicate, but somehow the communication needs to be done during sleep and as the subject begins to wake up, the door to the realm is gone.
I suppose I lied unintentially and my one nit is the questions at the end. I suggest cutting those and ending with quite simply, I wake up sweating. That statement would indicate a struggle and allow the reader to fill in the blanks.
"Write while the heat is in you...The writer who postpones the recording of his thoughts uses an iron which has cooled to burn a hole with." --Henry David Thoreau