Learning

[Jeremiahcp]

A volume beckoned me to pry
its body open. I obliged,
and secrets slipped inside. My mind
devoured every pulsing line,
and brilliance sparked where words aligned.
Complete, I matched each gap to spine.
Not knowing where my friend belonged,
I laid it maybe somewhere wrong,
then gathered up my borrowed fund,
absconding soon as I was done.

I love the direction of this poem, and it just inspired me to write a short little poem about reading. But here are my thoughts, take or leave them as you like.

"I obliged, and secrets slipped inside."

You need to tell us where the secrets are going.  You could write it this way, "and secrets slipped inside my mind, as I devoured every pulsing line." 


"then gathered up my borrowed fund"

I am not really clear on this line. Where are the borrowed fund from and what does it have to do with the poem? Are you in a library, is that a book that you are taking? I also really want to stick an 'S' on the end of fund. It would just sound more natural to me that way, and fund when said aloud, sounds really close to fun. 

"absconding soon as I was done."

Why are you sneaking out? Did you do something wrong? Maybe I am missing it, but I don't see anything in the poem that would cause you to sneak out. However, that could be an interesting twist, maybe you couldn't find the right spot to place the book, because you knew it belonged with you, so you steal it and sneak out. 

Ronsaik, thank you for the critique! I admit my poems are flowery at times.    Not sure how to improve the verses just yet, but I'll work on it.

Generally, people have a problem with flowery/ornate language when they are trying to hard to make something sound poetic. To help tone it down, use simple and plain language, and read lots of poetry. People learn how to write by reading, so read poetry and not just the classics,  try to read some contemporary writers as well. I am fond of Billy Collins if you want a place to start.