Vulnerable

[ThatsNotFennel]

This is an edit of an old poem I dug up from last year:

http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-15254...first+date

New feedback would definitely be appreciated; I think I still might need to add another stanza before the last one.

-------

I squeezed conversation out
like near empty toothpaste:
dry, coarse, and insignificant.
 
The couple at the next table over
were fighting about who would pay the bill, These two lines are out of place. The word "restaurant" anywhere here would eliminate their purpose.
and I listened while my date checked her phone
for the third time. Relatable. I like this image.
 
Our waiter broke the silence
with the specials. I asked for the fish
and she ordered the T-Bone, with fries instead of salad. Disagree with an above poster. I think this is hilarious.
 
I talked about work until the food came, This can be expanded. Exaggerate your work talk.
when she finally smiled.
 
Her steak was bleeding raw,
and I felt I was the cow
as she made the first cut.

I feel like there is at least one stanza missing here. Maybe it's because the image of the arguing couple breaks up the poem's continuity for me. I'm not saying I need a firm narrative structure, but its missing something between start to finish. You're touching on a subject that almost every human has at least some experience with, and you'd be well served to expand the situation to make it unique without running the risk of being unrelatable.

Thanks,
ThatsNotFennel