11-23-2015, 08:24 AM
This is an edit of an old poem I dug up from last year:
http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-15254...first+date
New feedback would definitely be appreciated; I think I still might need to add another stanza before the last one.
-------
I squeezed conversation out
like near empty toothpaste:
dry, coarse, and insignificant.
The couple at the next table over
were fighting about who would pay the bill,
and I listened while my date checked her phone
for the third time.
Our waiter broke the silence
with the specials. I asked for the fish
and she ordered the T-Bone, with fries instead of salad.
I talked about work until the food came,
when she finally smiled.
Her steak was bleeding raw,
and I felt I was the cow
as she made the first cut.
http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-15254...first+date
New feedback would definitely be appreciated; I think I still might need to add another stanza before the last one.
-------
I squeezed conversation out
like near empty toothpaste:
dry, coarse, and insignificant.
The couple at the next table over
were fighting about who would pay the bill,
and I listened while my date checked her phone
for the third time.
Our waiter broke the silence
with the specials. I asked for the fish
and she ordered the T-Bone, with fries instead of salad.
I talked about work until the food came,
when she finally smiled.
Her steak was bleeding raw,
and I felt I was the cow
as she made the first cut.