11-22-2015, 02:41 AM
(11-21-2015, 08:52 PM)Moonstruck1 Wrote: @dukealien - Thank you for the review. I intended it to be like a riddle; I am glad that the outward story is clear to you as well.
@rayheinrich - Thank you for the excellent feedback. For some reason, I thought the expression "held by a strand" was a commonly used expression for the idea "barely made it alive"... but I don't consider myself fluent in English and didn't realize strand meant something completely different. I like suggestion you gave however: The idea of being torn from the land fits with what I had in mind writing this piece.
I also appreciate the suggestion to change the point of view to first-person.
Although I had a very specific person and event in mind when writing this, I wanted it to be open to various meanings depending on the reader. I'm amazed at some of the ideas you mentioned. Thank you for the excellent post!
And thank you for an intelligent and emotionally intense poem (i.e it's beautiful).
Such profound metaphor in such a (seemingly) simple poem.
The edits worked well, I can't think of anything that could possibly make it better.
Ray
P.S. "Hanging by a strand" ("held" would suggest too much stability) usually means "barely", "hardly", "scarcely".
"After the car accident, his life was hanging by a strand."
"We've got to get that loan, this company is hanging by a strand."
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions