11-19-2015, 11:09 AM
False Bloom by Moonstruck1:
Yes, I must echo dukealien. The density of metaphor invites the reader to make use
of their creativity; a fine quality in any poem.
1 I have a logical problem with the bulb being "held by a strand" in line 1, but being IN a hand
in line 2. Maybe "slit (or spilt ) from the land" or some such.
1 Might benefit by having a ";" at the end instead of a "." as this increases the bond
between 1 and 2. The flow is enhanced as well.
2 Wonderful! The cognitive dissonance created by a bleeding rose (one thinks of
the tragedy of love, the despair of war when the humanity of the other side is realized,
I could go on and on...
The change from the singularity of "bud" to the plurality of "petals" enforces the effect.
And the addition of "stain" to this mix expands it factorially.
3-4 Flower farmers routinely "force" plants to bloom ahead of time (for Christmas, etc.)
"Against nature" is another metaphor with myriad interpretations. One that comes to
mind is rape (either literally or figuratively). This could also be about the taking of,
or transition from virginity. A different take on God's expulsion of Adam and Eve
from Eden comes to mind well. Tree of knowledge, spy novel, conspiracy theory,
anti-intellectualism, suppression of freedom of speech...
This poem operates on such a grand scale, my tiny gray cells are swimming in serotonin.
I would suggest changing the point-of-view; I think using 1st person would intensify its impact:
A single bud held by a strand;
The blood of petals stains my hand.
Both rose and I seized by remorse;
For no true flower blooms by force.
I'd capitalize line 4 (and line 2 and 4 if you go with the ";" at the end of 1)
Some others may disagree, but I think the traditional form of the poem calls for it;
and the formality that is associated with this tradition connects it with the profundity,
felt through memory, of our romantic past.
Ray
(11-18-2015, 07:59 AM)Moonstruck1 Wrote: 1 A single bud held by a strand.
2 The blood of petals stains his hand.
3 Both rose and he seized by remorse,
4 for no true flower blooms by force.
Yes, I must echo dukealien. The density of metaphor invites the reader to make use
of their creativity; a fine quality in any poem.
1 I have a logical problem with the bulb being "held by a strand" in line 1, but being IN a hand
in line 2. Maybe "slit (or spilt ) from the land" or some such.
1 Might benefit by having a ";" at the end instead of a "." as this increases the bond
between 1 and 2. The flow is enhanced as well.
2 Wonderful! The cognitive dissonance created by a bleeding rose (one thinks of
the tragedy of love, the despair of war when the humanity of the other side is realized,
I could go on and on...
The change from the singularity of "bud" to the plurality of "petals" enforces the effect.
And the addition of "stain" to this mix expands it factorially.
3-4 Flower farmers routinely "force" plants to bloom ahead of time (for Christmas, etc.)
"Against nature" is another metaphor with myriad interpretations. One that comes to
mind is rape (either literally or figuratively). This could also be about the taking of,
or transition from virginity. A different take on God's expulsion of Adam and Eve
from Eden comes to mind well. Tree of knowledge, spy novel, conspiracy theory,
anti-intellectualism, suppression of freedom of speech...
This poem operates on such a grand scale, my tiny gray cells are swimming in serotonin.
I would suggest changing the point-of-view; I think using 1st person would intensify its impact:
A single bud held by a strand;
The blood of petals stains my hand.
Both rose and I seized by remorse;
For no true flower blooms by force.
I'd capitalize line 4 (and line 2 and 4 if you go with the ";" at the end of 1)
Some others may disagree, but I think the traditional form of the poem calls for it;
and the formality that is associated with this tradition connects it with the profundity,
felt through memory, of our romantic past.
Ray
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions