Losing Track v.2 - was On Fear

[dukealien]

Thank you kindly!  Somewhere near the intersection of these critiques lies a good, scary poem (or anyway, a better, scarier one). 

And *another* thing wrong with l.12!  What was I thinking?

L.1, "As I drove home alone one yada night,"  (1 across, two syllables, for really dark...)  Much work ahead to crank this one into shape.

i enjoyed your sonnet and had but a couple of nits. sorry for pointing out more than a couple but it's a good enough poem to deserve a proper read.
for me the first two line could do with a rethink as they could scare the reader away. solid rhyme abba bddb dccd ee  scheme; i did like the starlESS moonlESS darknESS but i think it would be worth forgoing these sonics for some scarier setting.  as i drove home one...yad yada yada....
great effort and worth the read.

On Fear


As I drove home one starless, moonless night, could a better image for black or empty be used instead of starless, moonless
I met the fear of all fears, and was schooled. cliche
My speed was seventy, old darkness ruled;
Within it, three faint traces flickered white.

Lines marked the road’s two edges, reflex-jeweled, no need for two unless roads only have 1, 3, or more edges.
And passing-dashes pulsed out centrally,
Like years or heartbeats, unreliably,
Each guide-mark quenched when tar or shadows pooled. i really like the image of this verse and comparison to a heartbeat; possibly a broken one

One trace, or two, blanked periodically -
If three, I feared I couldn’t see or stop, couldn't or wouldn't?
But hurtle off the road at speed and drop,
Ditch-tumbling, catastrophically. while the meter seems to be missing half a foot, i didn't notice but for counting [i read it as tum bling] though i can see it's not missing the half if read as [tumbaling]

    So fear of falling’s not the final curse:
    Sustained, anticipating dread is worse. good couplet nice skid mark in the underpants.

---

Typical of recent work, but this one lacks hoped-for intensity befitting the theme.  Why?  Robust criticism will be appreciated.