11-12-2015, 04:10 AM
Edit2
Losing Track
As I drove west alone one deep-skied night,
My speed was seventy; old darkness ruled.
Conditionally wakeful: coffee-fueled.
Ahead, three painted traces flickered white.
Lines marked the road’s low edges, reflex-jeweled,
And passing-dashes pulsed out centrally,
Like years or heartbeats, unreliably,
Each guide-mark quenched when tar or shadows pooled.
One reference track, or two, blanked frequently -
If three, I knew I’d get no chance to stop,
But run blind off the road too fast and drop,
Ditch-tripping, rolling, smashing fatally.
So fear of falling’s not the final curse:
Sustained, gut-loosening, helpless dread was worse.
Edit1; title change
Losing Track
As I drove west, alone, one black-skied night,
Conditionally wakeful, coffee-fueled,
My speed was seventy, old darkness ruled;
Headlit, three painted traces flickered white.
Lines marked the road’s rough edges, reflex-jeweled,
And passing-dashes pulsed out centrally,
Like years or heartbeats, unreliably.
Each guide-mark quenched when tar or shadows pooled.
One reference track, or two, blanked frequently -
If all, I knew I’d have no chance to stop,
But run mad off the road at speed and drop,
Ditch-tripping, rolling, crashing fatally.
So fear of falling’s not the final curse:
Sustained, gut-loosening, locked-in dread was worse.
original version;
On Fear
As I drove home one starless, moonless night,
I met the fear of all fears, and was schooled.
My speed was seventy, old darkness ruled;
Within it, three faint traces flickered white.
Lines marked the road’s two edges, reflex-jeweled,
And passing-dashes pulsed out centrally,
Like years or heartbeats, unreliably,
Each guide-mark quenched when tar or shadows pooled.
One trace, or two, blanked periodically -
If three, I feared I couldn’t see or stop,
But hurtle off the road at speed and drop,
Ditch-tumbling, catastrophically.
So fear of falling’s not the final curse:
Sustained, anticipating dread is worse.
Typical of recent work, but this one lacks hoped-for intensity befitting the theme. Why? Robust criticism will be appreciated.
Losing Track
As I drove west alone one deep-skied night,
My speed was seventy; old darkness ruled.
Conditionally wakeful: coffee-fueled.
Ahead, three painted traces flickered white.
Lines marked the road’s low edges, reflex-jeweled,
And passing-dashes pulsed out centrally,
Like years or heartbeats, unreliably,
Each guide-mark quenched when tar or shadows pooled.
One reference track, or two, blanked frequently -
If three, I knew I’d get no chance to stop,
But run blind off the road too fast and drop,
Ditch-tripping, rolling, smashing fatally.
So fear of falling’s not the final curse:
Sustained, gut-loosening, helpless dread was worse.
Edit1; title change
Losing Track
As I drove west, alone, one black-skied night,
Conditionally wakeful, coffee-fueled,
My speed was seventy, old darkness ruled;
Headlit, three painted traces flickered white.
Lines marked the road’s rough edges, reflex-jeweled,
And passing-dashes pulsed out centrally,
Like years or heartbeats, unreliably.
Each guide-mark quenched when tar or shadows pooled.
One reference track, or two, blanked frequently -
If all, I knew I’d have no chance to stop,
But run mad off the road at speed and drop,
Ditch-tripping, rolling, crashing fatally.
So fear of falling’s not the final curse:
Sustained, gut-loosening, locked-in dread was worse.
original version;
On Fear
As I drove home one starless, moonless night,
I met the fear of all fears, and was schooled.
My speed was seventy, old darkness ruled;
Within it, three faint traces flickered white.
Lines marked the road’s two edges, reflex-jeweled,
And passing-dashes pulsed out centrally,
Like years or heartbeats, unreliably,
Each guide-mark quenched when tar or shadows pooled.
One trace, or two, blanked periodically -
If three, I feared I couldn’t see or stop,
But hurtle off the road at speed and drop,
Ditch-tumbling, catastrophically.
So fear of falling’s not the final curse:
Sustained, anticipating dread is worse.
Typical of recent work, but this one lacks hoped-for intensity befitting the theme. Why? Robust criticism will be appreciated.
Non-practicing atheist