A walk among the tombstones

[dukealien]

A walk among the tombstones

A walk among the tombstones,
I look upon a star.
The night of moon is on us,
you wander off too far.
Your breathing starts to quicken,
my heart begins to race.
The trees once sparse now thicken
I long for your embrace.
The clouds, they start to cover,
the moonlight we once shared.
From sight, I now have lost you,
that thought renders me scared.
A love I thought was rising,
like the moon, that glowing ball.
The star I once was eyeing,
now begins to fall.

Overall:  Very atmospheric; reminds one of Edgar Allan Poe's lost ladies (Lenore, etc.) but less mordant.

Caught my eye:  Interesting turn of phrase, "night of moon" - draws attention to the darkness which prevails where the moon is not, even on nights when it is.

Gentle correction, independent of other suggestions:  l.1 should end with a semicolon rather than a comma - it's independent of l.2.  Similarly, semicolon after "thicken" at the end of l.7 (replacing nothing).  L.7 also needs a couple of commas, one after "trees," the other after "sparse."  L.5 should *probably* also end with a semicolon instead of a colon.

Rhyme scheme:  Not all your quatrains (groups of four lines) rhyme ABAB, which is fine; not mandatory, of course, and since the first quatrain doesn't enforce this rule, readers are on notice that it will be optional.

Rhythm/meter/word choice:  There are points at which the meter (sequence of accented and unaccented syllables) could be eased by substituting  one more specific word for a pair of more general-purpose words.  For example, l.14, "like the moon, that glowing ball," could become "moonlike, an opal ball," or the like; similarly, l.2 "The night of moon is on us" might become "The night of moon surrounds us."

The last line's curtness works.  It could also be lengthened to conform to meter, for example, "[The star I once was eyeing]/with hope, begins to fall."

This is an interesting poem that could be rewritten to advantage; you might return to it with that idea after writing a few more.