11-06-2015, 11:20 AM
Hey dukealien
I appreciate the critique man! Happy to find that someone found my imagery and word choices to be rich, as well as notice the symbolism.
As far as suggestions go, I'll explain the first one a little. "Glass gone grain" is to describe the weathering down of glass- the "rose-colored mirrors"- into grains of sand, rather than the other senses of "grain" that came to mind for you.
I'm gonna wait and see if this trips up more than one person before I decide to act on it, though I understand where you're coming from.
Agree about "the bed without water". Made the change.
As far as "save" goes, i personally like the sonic value of it and wanted the resulting rhythm.
Will make the appropriate punctuation changes.
All in all, I really appreciate the critique and can't wait to hear more from others. I enjoyed writing it so I'm glad you enjoyed the read.
Thanks,
Cousin
I appreciate the critique man! Happy to find that someone found my imagery and word choices to be rich, as well as notice the symbolism.
As far as suggestions go, I'll explain the first one a little. "Glass gone grain" is to describe the weathering down of glass- the "rose-colored mirrors"- into grains of sand, rather than the other senses of "grain" that came to mind for you.
I'm gonna wait and see if this trips up more than one person before I decide to act on it, though I understand where you're coming from.
Agree about "the bed without water". Made the change.
As far as "save" goes, i personally like the sonic value of it and wanted the resulting rhythm.
Will make the appropriate punctuation changes.
All in all, I really appreciate the critique and can't wait to hear more from others. I enjoyed writing it so I'm glad you enjoyed the read.
Thanks,
Cousin