11-06-2015, 07:36 AM
I think it was cool of Tiger to suggest trimming it. Poetry is really condensed, and there are some things here that would make sense verbally, but not in prose. Personally "nothing" (given its proximity to "hungry") creates a mouthy pair for such a petite poem (if that makes sense). Otherwise, five Stars on your word choice! I really like the unconventional nouns and adjectives. There's some strange resonance with "brain" and "sing" that I cannot put my finger on. Great work, man!