The wharfie

[thepoorfortune]

I really like your storyline idea, but it wasn't evident from the beginning that it would turn so dark. I guess that would he part of its appeal - the downward spiral. I liked the rhythm and rhymes, but the very last line bugged me a bit. It seems like you had written this really interesting poem and then couldn't quite determine how you would conclude it while also keeping the fabric of the story preferable. That happens to me a lot. Hopefully you can work these few tweaks out and have a really nice catch!